The Peter Crouch All-Stars

A couple days ago when Shimer came up with the concept of the All-Ugly team, I thought it was great idea. Probably one of the best we've had in the few short months that we've been online.

Naturally, while he had his first few choices in mind, I thought of the inaugural members of my squad which I've dubbed the Peter Crouch All-Stars. So without further ado here they are with club team and national team in parantheses.



Carlos Puyol (Barcelona, Spain)-Puyol isn't that ugly but his epic hair reminds me of the late wrestler Kerry Von Erich. You just don't find hair like that anymore which is why Spain and Barcelona fans are so lucky.




Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool, Holland): Have you ever wondered what would happen if Larry Bird and Dirk Nowitzki had a love child, in Amsterdam? The spawn of that unlikely combination has to be Kuyt, who is one awkward looking guy.











Marouane Fellaini (Everton, Belgium): With clown-like hair, it's hard sometimes for your game to speak louder than your outrageous style (just ask Carlos Valderrama). Or maybe the whole point is just to look at the hair and not the fact that they're average players? Anyway, current Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini has taken up Valderrama's cause.

Wayne Rooney (Manchester United, England): While he's arguably the best player in the world at the moment, or at least in the top 3, every time I look at Rooney I think he looks like a Gremlin. In his younger days, he loved getting in scraps at nightclubs but getting older has seemed to calm Rooney down for the time being.






Jose Bosingwa (Chelsea, Portugal): As a man with Portuguese heritage, I know how hard it is to avoid having a unibrow but you gotta do what you gotta do to get the ladies. Apparently, nobody bothered to tell this to Chelsea midfielder Jose Bosingwa who looks like that she-male from Dodgeball The Movie. I guess he was playing soccer too much to ever look in a mirror. Gross.







Peter Crouch (Tottenham, England): The inspiration for my team and its emotional leader, Crouch is proof that you can be the ugliest dude in the world but you can still get an absolute smokeshow of a girlfriend (Abbey Clancy). It probably helps that he makes boatloads of money for playing soccer, although his skills consist mostly of standing near the goal and waiting to head it (usually over or wide of the net). I will give Crouch credit though, he does a mean robot (as you can see in the YouTube above).