Alert the bimbos: Robbie Keane headed to West Ham, possibly for 4.5 years

If there's one secret weapon to avoiding relegation in the English Premier League, it has to be signing a heavy-drinking, mercurial and possibly over-the-hill striker.

At least that's the wacky formula dreamed up by West Ham today as they agreed to sign Robbie Keane away from Tottenham. Keane signed a 4.5 year deal with the Hammers but that's contingent on them not being relegated.

West Ham will pay a fee of £5 million for Keane, providing the Premier League's bottom club survive the drop.

The 30-year-old has agreed a two-and a half year contract guaranteed plus an option in the club's favour to take up for a further two years. West Ham are showing enormous faith in the striker, who could be at his last club in the top flight in English football if he sees out the total years on the deal.

In addition, the Hammers have agreed to pay Spurs a £1 million loan fee for the rest of the season, and the deal has gone through just as ESPNsoccernet has been predicting throughout the transfer window after a £4 million move to Birmingham collapsed.

Finally, the Hammers will pick up Keane's £65,000-a-week wages, which makes it a huge investment in the Republic of Ireland international - but well worth it if they stay up. A West Ham insider confirmed: "The deal becomes permanent only if the club stay up."

West Ham have made four signings, and they now have 27 players and would like to sell or loan out two on the final day of the transfer window.

Manager Avram Grant said: "He (Keane) is not just a good player, he is a good character that we need in the next 14 games.''

West Ham co-owner David Gold told BBC Sport: "We're delighted to sign a world-class striker. Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy drives a hard bargain but we've got our man.''

Keane told his new club's official website: ''I am ready to help West Ham stay in the Premier League, which is the most important thing for this club. I am really pleased to have signed and now I just can't wait to start training and playing football.

"I feel as fit as I ever have done in my life and I feel I have plenty left to offer at the highest level for at least the next four or five years. I want to help anywhere I can help the football club, whether that is in training, in the dressing room or on the pitch on a matchday. We have some good players here and I am sure we can stay up.

"When I went on loan to Celtic I scored 17 goals in 19 games and if I can do even half as well as I did there, then I'll be happy.''

He could make his debut in Wednesday's match at Blackpool.

Clearly, Keane is not the answer but West Ham is hoping that he can catch lightning in a bottle (no pun intended) and help them gain some points. It won't take long to figure out if this abrupt marriage will work or flame out.

Spector scores twice against Man. U? Is this real life? Answer: sort of

When I was going through Associated Press stories tonight and noticed West Ham played Manchester United in the Carling Cup, the result stuck out like a sore thumb: West Ham 4, Manchester United 0.

Even crazier than that score was the fact that American Jonathan Spector (moved from defense to central midfielder) bagged a pair of goals in the win.

Before you get too excited, realize that both squads used a mix of reserves and younger players with the more seasoned pros in this barely relevant midseason tournament.

Only time will tell if this is a defining moment in Spector's career that gets him back on track or a puzzling performance in a disappointing stay with the Hammers.

Good to see nameless Chelsea figureheads still getting work

Avram Grant, one of the million Chelsea coaches from the last five years, is moving on up in the EPL world.

After taking Portsmouth to the FA Cup, a bright spot after being relegated, he's landed on his feet by signing a four-year deal to coach West Ham.

"I am proud and honoured to be the manager of West Ham. It will be an exciting challenge and I am ready to do my best,'' Grant told the official website. "This is a fantastic club with great fans and a history that is respected around the world. I am already looking forward to getting to work with my players in July and preparing for the new season."

Co-owners David Sullivan and David Gold both took the chance to welcome Grant to the job.

"I am delighted to welcome Avram to West Ham and am confident he will prove a success,'' said Sullivan. 'We have taken our time over this appointment and are certain we have got the right man.

"We are all looking forward to next season with new players coming in and Avram's arrival is just the latest reason for real optimism."

Gold added: "I have to say that having met Avram and spent some time with him that we have got our man. He is a perfect fit.

"We needed experience and stability. He is a footballing man and quite frankly his reputation speaks for itself. He has a great sense of humour and I am sure the players will relate to him and the fans will warm to him."

He replaces Gianfranco Zola, who was fired at the end of last season.

Zola out at West Ham

Gianfranco Zola found out the hard way that just staying above relegation in the English Premier League isn't good enough anymore, even at a smaller club like West Ham.

The Italian was fired on Tuesday.

Zola's contract was terminated following a meeting with Hammers managing director Karren Brady on Tuesday morning, and the club will now be looking to make a quick appointment, according to co-owner David Sullivan.

Sullivan exclusively told Soccernet: "We hope to have in place within three weeks an experienced manager. We will study people's past records to find a manager with a proven track record."

Mark Hughes, Avram Grant and Slaven Bilic are the favourites to replace him in the Upton Park hotseat, while highly-rated Real Mallorca manager Gregorio Manzano is also in contention after guiding the unfancied club to the brink of Champions League qualification,and Martin Jol is also being considered.

After leading West Ham to their lowest ever Premier League points total and on the back of a series of rows with co-owners David Gold and Sullivan, it had seemed to be a case of 'when' not 'if' he would be sacked and a statement on the West Ham website confirmed the inevitable.

"West Ham United confirm that they have terminated the contract of Gianfranco Zola," a statement read. "The board of directors would like to thank him for his contribution and wish him well for the future. The club will now be focusing its efforts on seeking a replacement. The club will be making no further comment on this matter."

Zola fired a parting shot at West Ham's co-owners in his own statement, issued via the League Managers Association.

"I am extremely disappointed to be leaving West Ham United,'' said Zola. "Over recent weeks, I have been the subject of various adverse comments, from within the club, which have been widely reported in the media.

"Despite what has been a very difficult period for me, I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at West Ham. I would like to sincerely thank the players and my staff for their continued support, hard work and commitment. I am extremely proud of their efforts, over a long and difficult season, in retaining West Ham's place in the Premier League.

"West Ham is a great club, with fantastic supporters and I wish the club every success in the future. The termination process of my contract is now in the hands of the LMA and I therefore will be making no further comment at this stage.''

Hughes and Portsmouth boss Grant - who has performed a minor miracle in leading Pompey to the FA Cup final - are thought to be high on the shortlist to replace Zola, who was dismissed after a showdown meeting with Brady.

Sullivan and Gold have always thought of Hughes as the number one choice, but they will want to take their time and would like to interview a full shortlist of candidates before making up their minds.

Hughes has indicated his willingness to hold out for a big job, and is thought to be keen to replace Rafael Benitez at Liverpool, but it might turn out that his best offer for a return to the Premier League arrives at the door of Upton Park.

The co-owners wanted Hughes when they took control in January but Hughes indicated that he was still biding his time, and his wage demands would make him one of the top managerial earners after his spell with mega-wealthy Manchester City.